It’s not the most comfortable conversation you’ll ever. Coming clean with your significant other about an illicit encounter (or multiple) takes guts and brutal honesty with yourself. Society, in general, abhors infidelity and has little tolerance for those accused (think Monica Lewinski and Clinton). We reserve our worst judgement for the home-wrecker who wittingly or unwittingly breaks a marriage, but we seldom take time to understand the motivation behind cheating.
There are probably as many reasons for cheating as there are against. Everyone can agree that sleeping around on a partner who’s been nothing but faithful and supportive is sleazy by any standards. Infidelity isn’t usually planned by those involved. The circumstances that lead to indiscretions can evolve slowly over time, often with people we are most familiar with and least on guard against. Casual acquaintances who share our vulnerable moments repeatedly can become more than just friends, leading to confused feelings. Co-workers we may never have worked with may suddenly trigger a powerful attraction during a project that requires your close interaction daily. Barbers, fitness instructors, teachers, mentors, and even strangers can excite and thrill us sexually in ways that catch us completely off-guard. The attraction can be so compelling that you ignore rational thought.
There’s more to cheating than the thrill of engaging in risky, taboo behavior. People looking to get laid on casual sex sites here in Palmerston North have a rich harvest ground where torrid secret affairs one night stands can blossom, if that’s your thing. Believe it or not, there are some pretty good reasons for cheating on someone. You probably can add a few of your own but here are just a few that should be on any list of reasons to be unfaithful:
Your present relationship is pretty much over.
Neither of you has had sex in months; you don’t talk or see each other often and the only thing holding you together are memories. When a relationship has gone way past its expiration date but neither of you wants to pull the trigger and make an exit, cheating can be the deal breaker that makes it easier for both of you to walk away. Mind you, it smacks more than a little of emotional manipulation if the person you’re cheating with is just a rebound tool. If you are looking for an emotional raft to cling to before the ship you’re on goes down in flames, make sure you clarify from the beginning that the circumstances are an exception. If he understands and appreciates your honesty, you won’t feel as bad when you avoid talking to him for a while after your break up, and he won’t take it personally.
Your partner has cheated on you, several times.
Too many women are familiar with the experience of discovering their boyfriend’s online dating account, or strange texts and phone calls he receives at odd hours and occasions. A little snooping around and you discover he’s been giving away the business inside of keeping busy. It would have been nice to know about his preference for getting laid with casual sex sites before you paid his rent! If you’ve decided that enough is enough, why stick around to make a formal exit when you can call one of his cuter friends for some hot revenge sex?
You unintentionally cheat.
Sometimes you think you’re in a casual dating relationship with someone, and another exciting prospect makes an appearance. He’s so into you but it’s now or never. Suddenly, you’re not sure where you really stand. You might have agreed in the beginning to keep things between you non-committal and free from sexual exclusivity, but when you meet someone else whose scent is catnip to your libido, you might feel guilty about giving in to your hormones. On the other hand, you could be missing out on a night of intense orgasms you could never experience riding the same old roller coaster. And every woman deserves an orgasm. It’s your fundamental right!
You need closure.
Sometimes the only way forward is backward. Old flames can leave us with unanswered questions, unresolved feelings and ambiguous emotions. They may haunt us emotionally until we confront and find answers. It’s entirely possible to share a powerful emotional and physical bond with past lovers that you can’t share, forget or understand. There are aspects of our past we may not be comfortable sharing with anyone. Sex with an old flame on one occasion doesn’t mean you should be burnt at the stake. You may not feel any less guilty about it, but it’s not quite in the same ballpark as a series of passionate encounters carried out over several weeks or months. If you happen to find yourself face to face with a once in a lifetime chance for closure, and involved in a meaningful relationship, withholding the secret could become more than you can bear. Ask yourself what lengths you are prepared to take to maintain your deception. If it still seems worth the risk, it might be the only way to put your past finally to rest.